


Voices in Our Heads

by Rainyday_Rainbow



Category: Be More Chill - Iconis/Tracz
Genre: Anxiety, Depression, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fluff and Angst, Heavy Angst, Mental Health Issues, Multi, Self-Hatred
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-03-15
Updated: 2019-09-29
Packaged: 2019-11-18 08:42:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 9,562
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18117302
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rainyday_Rainbow/pseuds/Rainyday_Rainbow
Summary: When the Squip threatens to return, Jeremy is in an absolute tizzy. Anxiety nearly drives him mad as he tries to figure out what to do and who to tell-if anyone at all. Will Michael and the gang figure out what’s going on before Jeremy does something drastic? And what happens when they figure out the real reason for the Squips sudden return?





	1. Nothing to Worry About

**Author's Note:**

> Hey guys... I am so sorry about taking this story down out of the blue and then putting it back up. I just got sonanxious about it and about writing it and people hating it, but now it’s here and it’s up for good along with a few more chapters. Deepest apologizes

Michael sighed happily, leaning back into his beanbag. Right now, it was hard not to be content, because right now, Michael Mell had three of his absolute favorite things with him: Video games, a slushie, and his best friend-Jeremy Heere. 

     He looked down at the head leaning on his shoulder, smiling fondly at the mess of sandy, blonde curls and the pale little face that always seemed to have a light and permanent blush gracing it’s cheek. The baby blue eyes he’d come to adore over all their years of friendship were right now glazed over with exhaustion, half-lidded as they stared lazily at the screen, where Michael was controlling Link as if it were simply second nature at this point-which it basically was. 

    “You tired, Jer?” Michael quietly asked, stifling an affectionate chuckle when Jeremy shook his head and then yawned softly not a second afterwards. “Riiiiiiight. Heh, okay well, do you at least want a blanket or something?” He knew that the answer was probably no, considering Jeremy was already wearing his prized, red hoodie, which was usually always enough for him. 

    “No thanks, Michael…. I’m-I’m Okay…” Jeremy’s tired eyes never once left the TV as he responded to the other, waiting patiently as Michael took a long sip of his slushie before resuming the game.

    Michael shrugged lightly, making sure not to jostle Jeremy around too much, and let it go, if Jeremy truly wanted something he’d ask, even it took him ten minutes to actually ask through his stutters, so there was no point in pushing. He looked back to his game, and all was calm and peaceful once again… just two friends, hanging out in a basement, and enjoying some good, old Nintendo… That is, until Jeremy heard something that made his entire body tense. 

**“Jeremy…”** the all too familiar taunting tone made Jeremy’s shoulders seize up with fear, and before he could remember what breathing was, a sharp inhale caused him to choke on his own saliva and buckle over in a harsh coughing fit, one that actually brought him to tears. 

    Alarms went off in Michael’s head and he carelessly tossed his remote into the pile of blankets beside him, shifting onto his knees and facing his friend as he began patting Jeremy’s back firmly. “Woah, woah, Jer, take it easy!” He said, trying to hold back his concern from entering his voice. 

    Jeremy slowly caught his breath, panting heavily as he wiped his eyes on the hoodie’s sleeves. What was that…? No, he knew what is had been… but… there was absolutely no possible way. The Squip was gone… it was gone… it was gone… it was gone…

    “Jeremy? Hey, come on, dude.” Michael shook Jeremy’s shoulder, trying to keep his tone as light-hearted as possible. But… whether that was for Jeremy’s sake or for his own was unclear. 

    “S-Sorry,” was all Jeremy could choke out as he straightened up, pulling Michael’s hoodie around him, trying to focus on it’s softness and comfort instead of the fear of what he may or may not have heard. 

    “It’s fine, just…” Michael offered a light chuckled, hand still on Jeremy’s back, almost scared to move it. “Try not to do that during a boss battle, and we’ll be okay.”

    Jeremy was able to give his friend a small smile. “Alright, man. Deal.” He sat back in the beanbag, resuming his previous position and placing his head down on Michael’s shoulder once the other sat down as well. Everything was fine. He was hanging out with his friend, watching him play one of his favorite games while giving fun commentary and giving Michael playful grief when he messed up and died. There was nothing to be stressed about, and definitely nothing to have a stupid coughing fit over. He sighed softly, forcing his tense shoulders to relax as Michael gingerly reached for his neglected remote controller.

**“You can’t get rid of me that easily… and you know it.”** The voice in the back of Jeremy’s head rang clearer than a church bell this time, and there was simply no denying the Squip’s commanding and taunting tone. 

    This time, the fear that clutched at Jeremy’s stomach was too much to handle, and once the firm grip of dread twisted, he found himself jolting upright and shooting straight out of the room, stumbling up the stairs and nearly tripping over himself as he fell into the nearest bathroom, unintentionally slamming the door behind him. 

    Michael, who had been left behind in the panic, was absolutely stunned to complete silence, not even noticing as the Game Over title showed up on the screen and asked if he wanted to continue. It took a few long minutes before Michael was able to regain himself enough to stand up and slowly make his way up the stairs in search of Jeremy. However, it didn’t take long to find him due to the sound of his best friend vomiting behind the closed door of the bathroom. He knocked lightly, “Jeremy?” The only response he got was a whimper. “I’m coming in, okay…?”

     As Michael gingerly wrapped his hand around the door handle and opened it, his eyes instantly flooding with the concern he’d been holding back as he saw his friend, eyes bloodshot and crying softly as he trembled, hunched down over the flushing toilet. His face was unusually pale and flushed, and his messy hair was drenched in a cold and fearful sweat. 

    Michael jumped onto action, his mother hen instincts for Jeremy kicking in almost instantly as he quickly grabbed a hand rag and drenched it in cool water, ringing it out before kneeling down beside his trembling and terribly sick looking friend. “You should have told me that you didn’t feel good, buddy…” he said in a soft tone, gently brushing a hand through Jeremy’s soft hair and pushing it back as he placed the cool rag against his forehead. He frowned a bit when Jeremy sighed shakily at the cool contact of the rage against his sweaty skin.

    Jeremy didn’t answer. He couldn’t. Because he hadn’t felt sick in the slightest until just a few seconds ago. The few seconds that made him cringe as he thought back to them, thought about how clearly he’d heard that crisp voice. 

    “I’m gonna call your dad to come pick you up…” Michael’s worried tone quickly pulled him from his pounding thoughts, and he instantly felt sick again at the idea of worrying Michael over a reason that wasn’t true. He wasn’t sick… but… there was no way he could admit to hearing the voice of a computer that they had killed over a whole semester ago. No. He couldn’t do that too Michael. He just couldn’t. “Will you be okay for a few seconds? Jeremy?”

    Jeremy quickly nodded, reaching up to take over holding the rag for Michael, closing his eyes as a few drops of water dribbled down. “Y-Yeah…” 

    Michael helped Jeremy lay back against the wall as he hurried out, going back into the basement and tossing things aside as he searched quickly for his phone, having a desperate need to make the call and get back to his friend. He discovered the phone hidden beneath the beanbag he’d been sitting in and quickly scooped it up, giving Mr. Heere a fast and almost frantic call, explaining and then confirming that he’d be driving Jeremy back home before hanging up and returning upstairs. 

    Jeremy hadn’t moved, still curled up and cuddled into the soft hoodie as he made futile attempted to stifle his tears. The damp rag had been put aside, already having made a small puddle on the floor, but that was unconcerning right now.  Michael went back over to his friend, slowing crouching down and placing a soft hand on Jeremy’s back, in attempt to comfort the sick boy. He was surprised, however, when the other flinched away from him almost violently. Michael withdrew his hand, a shocked and almost hurt expression crossing his face as watched. “Jer…? Hey, hey… it’s just me. Michael.” He cooed softly, as if addressing a frightened animal. He waited until Jeremy looked at him, heart nearly shattering at how small and broken to pale boy looked.

    “I-I’m s-s-sorry…” Jeremy somehow managed to get out, but he could have sworn he felt the dull shock race up his spine as a firm reminder to not stutter when talking. 

    Michael’s worry was at an all time high, but he refused to show it, for Jeremy’s sake, as he didn’t want to stress the sick boy out any further than he clearly already was. “No worries, dude.” He slowly moved to touch Jeremy again, making sure Jeremy could see what he was doing as to not startle him again. He placed his hand on the others back, and began to rub soothing circles there, all but relieved when he saw the boy relax into the touch. “I’m gonna drive you back home, okay?” Michael made sure he tone was gentle, moving his hand to run it through Jeremy’s messy hair in a loving manner as the pale boy leaned heavily against him. “Do you think you can get to my car?” When he saw Jeremy’s hesitation, he quickly added. “We don’t have to move right now. Especially if you still feel queasy.”

    “N-no… I can… I can make it.” Jeremy replied, his voice small even though he was trying his hardest to sound as reassuring as possible so that Michael would believe him. 

    Michael, however, frowned softly and glanced down at Jeremy, the boy’s tone a bit to weak and shaky for his liking. “Are you sure, Jer-bear? We can wait… it’s okay.” Jeremy simply shook his head and slowly lifted his head off of Michael to show he was serious. The other sighed and began getting up, gently grabbing Jeremy’s upper arm to help him to his feet and make sure he was steady. Jeremy wanted to prove to Michael that he’d be okay, and that he really was ready to go, but his hand betrayed him, shaking horribly as it reached out to clutch Michael’s hand tightly for support.

    Michael gave him a soft look that forced Jeremy to avert his eyes, not feeling worthy of such an affectionate gaze. He could feel Michael’s thumb rub the top of his shaking hand softly, clearly seeking to give comfort and working greatly as Jeremy could feel his death grip subconsciously loosen at the action. “Th-Thanks…”

    “Anytime…” Michael replied, slowly pulling Jeremy towards the door and outside to where his P t cruiser was parked. He opened the passenger side door for Jeremy, making sure he was okay before going around and getting in himself. He looked over at Jeremy, who was curled up in his seat, completely consumed by the hoodie that he refused to take off, even for a moment. “You good?”

    No. “Yeah…” He replied, telling himself that the pounding in his skull and the dull ache in his spine were just in his head, just a symptom of all the panic from hearing something he was still trying to tell himself wasn’t real. 

    Michael nodded hesitantly, backing out of the driveway and into the road, quickly heading off in the direction of the Heere’s house. Jeremy didn’t speak throughout the ride, but Michael tried to help by turning on the radio, keeping the volume low in case the boy had a headache of any kind. He kept an eye on Jeremy, glancing over every few minutes just to make sure the other was still doing alright. 

    The fifteen minute drive felt like an entire hour to Jeremy, but he tried to ignore everything else and just focus on the steady beat of the quiet music Michael had put on. And it did help, if only a little bit. It helped to match his breathing to the beat of the song, to let the soft melody consume his battered mind. 

     When they reached the house, Mr. Heere was already waiting, looking almost as worried as Michael felt when they pulled up and got Jeremy out of the car. He clearly hadn’t expected his son to be in such a poor condition, and he quickly took over for Michael, putting an arm around Jeremy as he gave the other a grateful smile and a quick thanks before leading the sick boy inside, leaving Michael standing at the door, wondering if this was sickness…. or something much worse. Something he absolutely dreaded. 


	2. Play it Cool

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It’s a pretty rough night

Jeremy laid in his bed, staring glassy-eyed at his alarm clock that flashed with bright green numbers, one’s that seemed far to bright and far too dull to his retinas all at once. 4:54 AM. Too early to be awake. Too late to go back to sleep…. Like he even could. His trembling hands clutched at the hem of the red hoodie that he’d neglected to return to Michael after he’d been taken home.  _ Useless.  _ His fingers flexed once before digging back into the soft fabric, a weak attempt at grounding himself, but an attempt nonetheless. Static oozed into his skull, slowly and steady flooding it, drowning out all his own thoughts until he could barely think at all. It made him lose his rhythm, and his breathing now came out either too fast or not at all, as he held it without even realizing it, which certainly didn’t help the tightening of his chest. 

_ Look at you, completely and utterly pathetic. Face it, you need me. You want me back.  _ Whether it was actually the squip talking to him or just his own thoughts leaking in under the constant buzz in his brain was unclear to the boy in this moment, but if you had happened to ask him, he would have sworn it had sounded dangerously like the computer chip. Jeremy suddenly felt so small and yet at the same time exactly like the world’s biggest nuisance. 

It had been like this since he’d gotten home, since he’d been helped upstairs by his dad and told to lay down. The buzz had entered as soon as his head collided heavily with the pillow and it had merely gone downhill since then. 

This couldn’t be real, he’d gotten rid of the Squip, he’d gotten over having these sorts of paranoid breakdowns… he’d gotten better.  _ Things  _ had gotten better. But… now it was like he was taking a huge step in the wrong direction.  _ Failure.  _

Jeremy could feel his frustration beginning to bubble underneath the mind-numbing white noise in his skull. He reached up to grab and yank at his hair, letting out a strangled sound that burned the back of his throat. He was supposed to be better!

**_“You can’t be better, Jeremy. Not without me. You need me. I’m your only chance to getting better. You can’t do it on your own and you know it.”_ **

Jeremy jerked upright, feeling the air leave his chest. His hands remained in his hair and he could feel pin-pricks of pain on his scalp as he tugged a few hairs loose by accident. “I don’t need you! If I did I wouldn’t have gotten rid of you. Gotten rid of all of them!” He yelled into the darkness of his bedroom, screaming at the nothingness that was his own mind, and completely forgetting that his dad was trying to sleep just down the hall. 

The white noise ringing in his mind became overwhelming, and the rest of the world became completely lost to him as panic ceased his gut and clawed a hole there for the dread to pool through. He squeezed his eyes shut and ripped his hands from his hair in favor of covering his ears, trying to block out the sounds coming from within his mind. “I don’t have to listen to you! I don’t  _ want  _ to listen to you! So leave me alone!”

He felt like he was drowning in the noises in his head. He tried to breath but air refused to enter his tightening lungs. His eyes stung with watery tears but he barely noticed them at all. It was all to much. He was drowning. He couldn’t do this. Is was too much. It was too much. It was...

Jeremy heard a voice, and his body tensed until he realized that the sound wasn’t one that came from his head. No. This voice was soft, gentle, and it came from around him, not within him. He felt something strong pull him into something warm and secure, and the soft noise continued. Jeremy didn’t yet dare to open his eyes yet, but he did slowly bring his hands down from his ears so that he could truly hear the voice that was so familiar to him. 

“That a boy…” He heard, so sweet and so patient. It was so near and Jeremy clung to it with all the sanity he had left. “Just take it easy… deep breaths, okay? Deep breaths…” His dad. That’s who it was. He could recognize that deep voice a mile away and right now he’d never been so happy to hear something that was strong enough to overpower whatever was sounding off in his skull. 

As he began to ground himself, he became aware of his dad’s arms around him, holding him securely, rubbing soothing circles on his back, aware that his head was resting on his shoulder, and he could feel the wetness of tears on his cheeks that he didn’t even know he’d been crying. His focus shifted to what his dad was saying. Deep breaths. In… Hold… Out… In… Hold… Out…. Deep breaths. Calm.  _ Weak. Pathetic. Whimp.  _ Everything is okay. He’s safe. 

“Jeremy…?” Mr. Heere’s voice was barely above a whisper, staying as soft as possible, but loud enough to where he knew the boy in his arms could hear him. Jeremy didn’t move at first and so he waited, letting the silence play out for as long as needed. After a few more minutes, once he felt Jeremy relax more into his hold, he tried again. “Jeremy? Son?” This time, he was rewarded, as Jeremy slowly tilted his head open, eyes hesitantly opening. They were so red and swollen from the tears that hadn’t completely stopped yet, but he could see the gentle blue orbs, and that was certainly a start. He smiled. “There he is.” he cooed. “Are you okay?” He knew the answer, of course he did, but right now he just wanted to try and get a verbal response. 

Jeremy opened his mouth, thought, closed it, and then cleared his tight throat before trying again. “I… Y-Yeah.” It wasn’t a complete lie, he was feeling much better now, more aware, less lost. He felt more like himself. 

Mr. Heere nodded, his smile never lost, and he brought up a gentle hand to run it gingerly through his son’s hair. “What happened…?” There’s not a drop of anger in his voice. No resentment and no judgement. Just pure patience and a fatherly kind of worry. 

Jeremy, despite this, couldn’t help the way his body had tensed at the question. He didn’t want to answer. He  _ really  _ didn’t want to. He wanted to be better. He  _ was  _ better. He didn’t want to tell his father he was moving backwards. That he was falling back.  _ That you’re just a mess. A pathetic excuse for a son.  _ And even if he  _ had  _ wanted to tell him, he wasn’t even sure that he could. 

“I-I… It was…” He started. He stopped. He tried again. “I just had… I had a nightmare…” His tongue confessed, lied without his proper consent. 

Mr. Heere merely hummed in response, still trying to sooth his son with ginger actions. He had that instinct, the instinct that only parents can get when they feel their child is lying to them. But he chose to believe Jeremy. A nightmare was not completely out of the ballpark, and he had seen his son after waking up from a few particularly nasty ones. So he nodded. Accepting the answer. For now. “You wanna talk about it, son?” He asked. Still not pushing. 

Jeremy quickly shook his head in response. That was the last thing he wanted to do.

“Alright…  Do you want something to drink?”

Jeremy nodded meekly. “Yeah…”

“Do you wanna come with me or do you wanna stay here?” Jeremy didn’t directly answer, but the way his grip on his father’s shirt tightened was response enough. “Okay, buddy. Let’s go.”

Slowly, Mr. Heere got up, helping his son up with him and keeping a secure arm around him as they walked out of the room and down the stairs to the kitchen. Mr. Heere switched the lights on and went to the fridge in search of something to drink as jeremy hoisted himself onto the nearby countertop, silent as a mouse and eyes trying to find a comfortable place to rest before just settling on his own lap. Mr. Heere made idle chat as he fixed a cup of chocolate milk for his son, he didn’t expect Jeremy to respond, he just wanted to give the boy something to listen to, to focus on. 

Once the drink was made, the two settled down on the couch together, and Mr. Heere turned on a Disney movie for them to watch. 

Jeremy took timid sips of his drink, head leaned back against his father’s shoulder. Everything was okay. He just needed to keep telling himself that, keeping repeating it until he was fully convinced it was true. He lazily turned his eyes to the artificial illumination of the TV screen, half-heartedly watching as Rapunzel tried to convince her “mother” to let her go see the floating lanterns. From the side he could hear his father’s light snoring, signaling that he had once again fallen asleep, more than likely without meaning to. But, Jeremy didn’t mind, he was glad, his father did have work tomorrow, and it was still incredibly early, so… yes, this was for the best. 

After finishing his milk and gingerly setting the cup on the coffee table, Heremt settled back, cuddled into his father’s side, seeking warmth and comfort as he tried to allow sleep to overtake him.

Things would be better in the morning. He’d feel better. He’d go to school and hang out with his friends. He’d attend class and do well on that quiz he’d been studying his butt off for. Today was another day. And it would be a good one. 

He just had too…

**“You have to be more chill, Jeremy.”**

Jeremy yawned.

He had to

**Be**

**More**

**Chill.**

  
  


—————————————————-

  
  
  


But down the block, Michael Mell, completely unaware of the other’s predicament, had also lying awake in bed, longing for sleep, but kept awake, not by the fear of a Squip’s claimed return, but by a sickening feeling in his gut. Not a feeling of nausea or guilt….  But of worry? Perhaps? Or of dread? It was hard for him to tell, and that only served to unnerve Michael even more. 

He couldn’t get what had happened that evening out of his mind. He’d told himself that Jeremy had just eaten something bad, or that it was just a random bug. Jeremy was never one to have the strongest of immune systems. But… for some reason he had his doubts. Something about the whole scene hadn’t felt right.

Because, first of all, when he saw Jeremy in the bathroom he didn’t just look sick… he looked…. scared. 

Michael slowly looked at his hand, barely able to see its outline in the darkness as he held it just inches above his eyes, remembering how vividly- how violently his best friend had flinched away from his touch. As if Michael has burned him. He felt hurt by the memory. It was injurying that Jeremy would ever be scared of him, that he even considered that Michael would bring harm to him… but, more than anything else, he felt concerned. Jeremy always acted more like a cuddly puppy when he was sick… not a frightened kid. 

He sighed deeply, bringing the hand down to run it through his hair. Something was definitely going on and Michael decided that he’d have to ask his friend about it, whether he was at school tomorrow or not. 

Michael yawned deeply, running through some kind of plan for tomorrow, on how to approach Jeremy with this and how to bring up his concerns to the rest of the squad. Christine would probably be his best bet… he could explain it to her and then she could probably pass it on to the rest of the group. She was much better at that kinda thing than he was anyway. So… yes. That’s what he would do. He’d talk to Christine. He’d talk to Jeremy, probably alone, as not to overwhelm him. And then hopefully it would all prove to be unconcerning and everything would be okay again. 

A small smile tugged at Michael’s lips and he settled back into his bed. He’d put his plan into action, and everything would work out. 

He just had to go with the plan…

 

**And be chill.**

  
  



	3. Coming to Terms

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Michael puts his plan into action.... or... he tris to

As Michael had very much assumed, Jeremy was nowhere to be seen the following morning at school. He’d looked through the crowds and waited by his locker for a good ten minutes… but his player 2 was a definite no show. Michael had tried to be patient, trying to hold out hope that his friend would come, and that he was just taking his sweet time, but as he was heading towards his first class, he couldn’t wait anymore and sent Jeremy a quick “you doing okay?” text.

Michael stared at his phone as he moved into the classroom, his brain on complete autopilot as he walked to the back and promptly took his seat at one of the desks, backpack falling from his shoulder and onto the floor with a soft thud. He released a gentle sigh when it didn’t even show that Jeremy had read the message. Maybe he was still asleep? That would make sense… but the small possibility that his friend was simply ignoring him tugged hard at the back of his mind, refusing to let up. That is… until-

“Earth to Headphoness. You with uss, dude?” The familiar lisp of Rich quickly brought Michael back from his straining thoughts, and he turned his head to look at the small boy sitting casually in the desk beside him. Rich gave him a kind smirk, and that’s when Michael shook his head a bit. 

“H-Huh?” He stuttered dumbly, eyes wide and still slightly dazed from thinking. “Sorry man. What?”

Rich gave a small roll of his eyes, propping his chin up on his elbow. “You’re pretty sspaced out, dude, like, unussually sso for not even having earbudss in. What’ss up with you?” He quirked a curious brow, waiting patiently as Michael looked down and took a deep breath to compose himself. 

“I just, uh…” Michael took another breath, turning back to face Rich after giving a final glance to his phone. “I was texting, Jeremy. He, uh, he was feeling pretty crummy yesterday and I wanted to check up on him.” He paused for a minute before giving a hesitant shrug. “You know, since he’s not here today.” 

Rich gave a low hum in response, he watched as Michael looked at his phone once again, and, in turn, Michael watched as a wide and smug smirk spread itself across the other’s features. “I sssee. What a good friend you’re being, dude.” 

Michael felt heat rush through his cheeks when Rich’s mocking tone reached his ears, turning instantly to cough awkwardly into his fist and adjust his glasses, basically using any excuse not to look directly at the short boy. “Y-Yeah, actually, I am.” He stated plainly, knowing exactly what Rich was trying to hint at, and hating it. 

“Oh come on, Michael.” Rich said, leaning over to nudge Michael lightly in the shoulder. “Literally, the only persson you’re fooling is Jeremy, and that’ss only because he wouldn’t recognize affection and goo-goo eyess if they sslapped him in the freaking face.” He chuckled lightly at the flustered face MIchael gave him, his eyes wide and his mouth drawn into a tight, straight line. Rich’s smirk morphed into a teasing grin, brow furrowing. “You CANNOT be sserious. You honesstly think you’re being ssmooth? That literally  _ everyone  _ else can't ssee that you’re head-over-heelss for the little nerd?”

Michael could feel his face heating up more with every passing moment, and he resisted the sudden strong urge to bury his face completely in his hands as he wondered if it was possible to spontaneously combust. “....Really? Even Christine…?”

Rich gave an amused scoff, “She wass the ssecond one to know, my dude. Right after me that is.” He proudly smirked and raised his eyebrows and looking to MIchael as if he’d just gotten the highest grade on a test. “It’ss literally ssoooooooo obviouss.”

Michael gave a loud groan, but was cut off as the commanding tone of the teacher’s voice rang throughout the room, calling everyone to attention so that the lesson could start. Michael and Rich both looked towards the front of the room, watching quietly as the teacher pulled out the textbook that was needed and glancing over it for a moment. 

“This talk iss far from over, Mell.” Michael heard Rich whisper as he reached into his backpack and searched around for his stuff. Michael swallowed thickly. That’s what he was afraid off, and now that Rich had revealed so many things to him, he knew there was no hope in getting anything out of this class. There was no way he could focus on… um, whatever stupid math problem was being put on the board, while every one of his friends was aware of the fact that he was crushing on his freaking best friend. No… this was going to be a very long class…

 

\------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

Michael’s feet dragged against the floor as he headed towards the cafeteria, trying hard to focus on the lyrics pounding loudly into his ears, instead of the fact that he was mere moments away from facing an entire group of his friends… all of which apparently knew about his secret crush… if he was allowed to even call it that anymore. 

Now, don’t get him wrong, Michael wasn’t afraid to come out as gay to anyone, especially since nearly all of them were Bi and in such relationships already. Rich and Jake had gotten together not long after Rich’s giant realization in the hospital after Jake had saved him from the fire he’d started, and after the whole Squip was incident at the school play. The two had already been close buds, and, surprisingly, Jake was the one to ask for the first date. As a result, the two had been extremely happy together ever since, making Michael the slightest bit jealous whenever he caught sight of them affectionately holding hands or messing around with the other.

Chloe and Brooke, however, had taken quite a while to come around. Both were obviously close as well, but they didn’t seem to recognize the loving gazes they always gave the other across the table. It was a bit funny, though, because even though they didn’t see any of this, they acted much like a couple to the other, whether they were holding hands down the street, or just playfully flirting with the other in lighthearted situations. Michael had even sworn he’d seen Chloe give Brooke a small peck on the cheek goodbye as she’d left one of their hangouts early. Despite all the agony of watching them dancing around their feelings, the two were also happily dating now, and had been doing so for a good few months. 

Michael sighed, he supposed his turn would have to come sooner or later, he just hadn’t expected the sooner to be quite so… soon. He mentally groaned, knowing he was about to get the lecture of his life from two incredibly happy couples, along with Christine and Jenna, who both had absolutely no problem saying what was on their minds.

He all but dragged himself into the cafeteria, easily able to find the table his group was at due to Christine’s sudden and frantic waving in hopes of flagging him over. Michael felt his breath get caught in his throat, but he knew that it was far too late to turn around and just eat lunch outside. He steeled himself away and slowly walked over, smiling shakily as each of his friend’s greeted him and motioned for him to sit down in the empty spot they’d left for him.

Michael sunk into his seat, reluctantly tugging off his headphones and averting his eyes from everyone except Rich, though, he looked away from him too when he saw the knowing and expectant smirk on his smug face. 

“So, Micha.” Chloe spoke up, wearing a similar smirk to Rich as she leaned forward, chin resting on her hands as if she were about to interrogate Michael. 

“Don’t call me that…” Michael said, a bit sharper than he meant to. That nickname was reserved for… well, for someone else. And if he was completely honest, it felt weird having someone like Chloe calling him that. 

Chloe’s smirk didn’t falter at the tone, in fact, it only widened a bit as she glanced to her girlfriend. “Moody?” She chuckled lightly, leaning back and wrapping a gentle arm around Brooke’s slim shoulders, which she instantly responded to by leaning her head up and pecking Chloe on the cheek, giggling when Chloe squeezed her lovingly. 

Michael sighed, turning his gaze down to the headphone cord that he was currently fidgeting with, wrapping and twisting it around his fingers. His friend’s constant PDA never usually bothered him, but knowing what he did now, he couldn’t deny that it almost felt like they were just rubbing it in his face on purpose. 

Chloe finally continued, and Michael wondered if she’d been elected the spokesperson for this particular discussion… or if she had perhaps elected herself, which wouldn’t have surprised him either. “So,  _ Michael,  _ we hear that you’re starting to have boy problems.” She spoke slyly, rosie lips pulled into a large grin.

Michael could feel his shoulders tense, but he tried to play it off with a simple shrug and a scoff. “I’m not having  _ boy problems _ . I’ll have you know that-”

“It’s okay, Michael!” Christine suddenly piped in, placing a gentle hand on his arm as she gave him what was probably the kindest smile of the entire table. “You can talk to us! We’re not here to judge.”

“Speak for yourself.” Jenna said softly in a joking manner, busily texting on her phone. This, however, instantly earned herself a small jab in the side from Christine’s other arm. Jenna put her hands up in defense, trying to assure the scowling girl that she was joking. “Kidding!” Christine gave a small smile, showing she was satisfied, and turned back to Michael.

“Anyway, like I was saying…” She paused, looking straight ahead for answers. “Um…”

“Jeremy problems…?” Jenna supplied for her with a simple smile, nudging Christine back. 

While Christine had her “Ah hah” moment and recollected her thoughts, Michael took his chance to quickly jump in, hoping to stop the entire conversation before it really even started. “Jeremy and I are NOT having problems with each other!” Michael looked around at the unconvinced faces staring at him around the table, half convinced to just tug his headphones back on and leave. “We’re not having problems of any kind, especially not the kind you’re thinking about.” Michael heard Rich scoff and saw Chloe rolled her eyes. “I’m serious! Jeremy just got sick yesterday and I’m worried, as any good  _ friend _ would be!”

“Dude, come on.” Rich cut in, smirk falling for the first time in order to morph into a serious expression, one that actually made Michael swallow thickly as a lump formed in his throat. “You can’t convince uss otherwise. And the fasster you accept the freaking fact that you’re totally crashing on toothpick, the eassier it will be. For all of uss.” 

Michael looked down, pushing up his glasses nervously as he felt all eyes around the table burning into him expectantly. Did they not understand how embarrassing this was for him? How so freaking hard it was?...This wasn’t even supposed to be about him anyway!! But… he guessed it was to late for that now. He released a heavy sigh, feeling the all to familiar weight of defeat wash over him. “Fine.” He squeaked out rather definitely, eyes still down. “I…” He paused, breath leaving him. Everyone already knew, right? They just wanted to hear it from him… So… why was it still so hard? “Y-you know it doesn’t really matter!” He finally snapped, chickening out. He reached down and grabbed his things, feeling his face completely flush and burn up. “I gotta get to class.”

Christine quickly frowned, eyes widening as Michael pulled away from her grip. “Michael…” she quietly pleaded, beckoning him to sit back down.

“Yeah, come on, man.” Jake piped up for the first time, pulling himself away from his meal for a few seconds to look directly at Michael. “Don’t ditch us.” Michael, however, just shook his head, tugging his headphones over his ears and holding them there as he quickly navigated his way out of the cafeteria. Everyone at the table exchanged similar looks, wondering if they’d perhaps pushed to hard. But, even though they felt slightly bad for causing Michael to be so uncomfortable, there was a new mission that they all felt, because now, all their suspicions were confirmed. 

Michael loved Jeremy.

And they’d do everything they could to bring the two together. 


	4. Squip 2.0

Jeremy watched as the water gushed from the faucet, relishing in the calming sound that seemed to drown out all else. His slender hands gripped the sides of the sink with such ferocity that it turned his knuckles a pasty white which matched the ghostly paleness of his face, now dripping with a cold sweat. He’d been here most of the morning, his already frail nerves unable to handle the count down the Squip had been sure to resume giving him. Jeremy shook his head, prying his hands from the sink to cup them under the water, shuddering at the coolness, but also enjoying the feeling. He brought the water up to his face and splashed as much of it on as he could, running his hand through his hair afterwards, releasing the breath he hadn’t been aware he was holding. 

**“93%”**

Jeremy inwardly groaned, wanting the Squip to hear it loud and clear, even though he was sure he wouldn’t get any kind of response for it. He was proven correct when the static in his skull once again faded to pure silence, leaving him with nothing but his thoughts and the water still rushing into the sink below him. However… after a few moments to himself, the annoyance began to fade in order to make way for an unsettling queasiness to pool around in his stomach. “Wh-What am I going to do…?” He asked his reflection in a weak voice. His other self didn’t answer, only able to stare back at him with with confused and scared eyes, like a child who’d woken up from a nightmare. He honestly didn’t know if he-or his friendships-could handle another Squip Apocalypse disaster. He’d nearly lost everything the first time…

Jeremy shuddered at the thought. His mind falling back to when he’d first taken the Squip… how things fell apart. He recalled breaking Brooke’s heart… The fire at Jake’s house… he thought back to making a fool of himself in front of Christine before she’d in turn given him a wake up call. 

And he remembered the moment he almost lost Michael forever. That night in the bathroom was one Jeremy swore he’d never forgive himself for… 

“No.” He suddenly snapped at himself, eyes becoming sharp as he gripped the sides of the sink tightly. He leaned closer to the mirror, as if trying to intimidate his other self. This was no time to be wallowing in self-pity.  “No, I can’t let this happen. Not again. No more sitting around… I gotta stop this.” Jeremy gave his slightly tougher looking reflection an affirmative nod, watching as it gave him one as well. He quickly ceased the flow of water from the sink and hurried out of the room. 

The Squip was close to rebooting, or so it claimed, so he’d need to work fast. As to be expected, the first option that came to mind was Mountain Dew Red, however, along with the solution came many problems… first of all this meant bringing the problem up to Michael, which was the absolute last thing he wanted to do to his friend… he may be the only person who could find him the drink… but Jeremy shuddered to think of bringing to topic of the Squip up again, especially after they’d agreed to leave it all behind them. Second, he didn’t even know if it would work, or if it’d be worth it. The Squip wasn’t booted up yet, so there was no promise the drink would shut it down again. However, even if it did, if the Squip came back this time… who could say that the Mountain Dew Red was merely a temporary fix to a lifetime problem. 

Jeremy froze, halfway into pulling his pajama shirt off. He backtracked a bit on his train of thought… was the Squip a lifetime problem? Was it really possible that he could be stuck with the pill sized computer for the rest of his days? He slowly lowered his shirt, stepping back to sit down on his bed, letting his full weight sink deeply into the soft mattress. Just as quickly as he’d gain his determination, it had all been taken from him by the thoughts raging in his skull. 

**“95% complete. Preparing for reboot.”** The Squip’s voice lacked its usual cool undertone. It was robbed of its slight boom that always commanded the young boy’s attention, and… in a sad way… Jeremy realized that the Squip sounded much like how he felt. Blank. Dull. Somewhat exasperated if you looked hard enough. Completely lacking of motive. 

Jeremy flopped back against the bed, pressing the palms of his hands firmly against both of his eyes, pushing them into the sockets. He couldn’t think, and the crackling static that had decided to play on repeat wasn’t helping. His once firm plans had crumbled, leaving him an indecisive mess. As per usual…. 

He rolled over into his stomach, glancing over at Michael’s hoodie that rested on the edge of his bed, the one he’d accidentally kept in the chaos of yesterday. In desperate need of grounding, Jeremy reached out without thinking, seizing the hoodie and pulling it close, as if it were some kind of beloved teddy bear, or perhaps Michael himself. He gingerly flipped it around, sliding both his arms in before zipping it up. The sleeves covers most of his lanky frame, giving him kitten hands as the sleeves went way past his wrists, and he tugged the hood up before laying back down, clinging to himself as he drew himself into a ball. Jeremy inhaled lightly, the strong and familiar scent of smoke along with the faint undertones of chocolate and honey filled his nose, pulling his foggy brain down from the whirlwind it was lost in. 

Jeremy gave a shaky sigh, a faint smile pulling at his lips as he relished in the warmth and safety of the hoodie. It was almost like magic in Jeremy’s opinion. A simple item of clothing that always seemed to be able to calm him, and bring him back to Earth by simply pulling the hoodie over his head. It was fitting that it belonged to Michael, who was just as warm and welcoming as the red jacket that always cloaked him.

The thought made Jeremy’s little heart go pitter-pat, a few butterflies in his stomach fluttering to life. Michael really was magical, wasn’t he? Always wearing that million dollar smile that simply lit up his face and anyone else’s who saw it, heck, the mere thought of it was already bringing a sweet smile to Jeremy’s face. His personality was one to match as well, he was loyal, sweet, funny, smart, and… well, the list just went on. Jeremy was lucky. He knew this. He knew this better than he ever did before. And he counted his lucky stars every single night that he thought about it. 

**“99%”**

However, tonight probably wouldn’t be one of those nights. Jeremy bolted upright, the feeling of a small electric current going up his spine, racking through every bone that it passed. He shivered, the shock leaving a cold feeling behind. It then began to fade before bursting into his temples, pulling a whimper from him and then racing back down the way it came before disappearing completely. 

**“System will now reboot. Please excuse some mild discomfort.”**

Jeremy paled, but nothing could be done before he was thrown off the bed and onto the floor with the very force the shock and pain hit him with. Starting from his head, pain burst out to turn his vision white and blurry before rushing downward, shaking his body with the force of an earthquake. Making him look like he was having a seizure. The shocking tingle he felt throughout his body was close to unbearable, and even though he knew the Squip was speaking, explaining something to him, any word spoken was completely lost to him, reduced to nothing more than a distant hum at the feet of the pain he faced. 

But even though it felt like a lifetime that he was faced with the racking shock in his body, in reality it was no more than a few moments. As quickly as he was thrown into the ground, shaking like a leaf, he was left to lay there, completely still and heaving as though he’d just run a marathon. His surrounding were still lost to him, this including the tears in his blurring vision that mixed with the cold sweat on his face. 

**“Jeremy Heere. As you know I am your Super Quantum Unit Intel Processor… Some problems were faced last time I was active, but rest assured those have been fixed.”** A man began to materialize before the fallen boy, his posh look greatly contrasting the one one beneath him. He adjusted both the sleeves of his suit, pulling them down to the proper length before working to fix his tie.   **“Welcome to Squip 2.0.”**


	5. Helpless and Confused

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Soooooooooo, I’m back after forever! I’m so sorry! I just started collage and things have been beyond crazy so I’ve kinda fallen out of writing. But I’m back and plan to get back into the mode. I hope to update every Thursday or so!

Jeremy couldn’t breathe. He couldn’t freaking breathe!! His eyes were glued to the Squip, who just kept talking despite knowing full well that everything he said was completely lost in the sea of static currently flooding the shaky boy’s mind. Jeremy knew what fear was, he was very well acquainted emotion in fact. Fear was something he felt before taking a test or after he screwed up talking to someone. Something that clutched his chest when he was about to perform and made his skin clammy when he held a girl’s hand. It was something that made your blood run cold and your skin to tight, it made you want to cry and scream and shake and….. Yes, Jeremy could describe fear better than most, but this emotion…. this wasn’t fear… it was something else. A flurry of different things. Anger. Sorrow. Disgust….. and flat out terror. It was almost too much for him to handle. 

**“Jeremy…”** The Squip spoke in an exasperated tone, as this was his third attempt to get the frozen child’s attention.  **“Jeremy please do shut your mouth… you’re bound to catch flies doing that.”**

Jeremy hated the way his teeth clacked as his jaw instinctively shut itself.

        The Squip raised a well groomed brow and hummed in fascination. It seemed that Jeremy’s mind and body still knew exactly who was the boss. Which would undoubtedly make his job ten times easier right off the bat.  **“Thank you”** he said in what Jeremy thought was a sickeningly polite tone.  **“I’m glad to see you haven’t completely fallen apart without me.”** That part was flat out sarcasm, and Jeremy felt his fist clench with the sudden need to punch the man/computer thing square in the nose. The Squip; however, seemed completely unbothered even though Jeremy was positive he knew what he was thinking. 

        “I’m-I’m like this because of you.” Jeremy gritted our through clenched teeth. “I was fine until now! Un-Until you decided… I… I h-had fixed things! Why are you-?! What… I…” Oh God. He couldn’t even think straight. He couldn’t finish a single thought before another one came crashing in. 

        Then suddenly there was pain, a shock, a small bolt of electricity racing up his spine that forced him to his feet and his back to arch in a straightened yet unnatural way. Jeremy gritted his teeth, mind instantly filling with numbing static. “Wh-Wha-“

**“You were slouching and honestly look like some sort of dog staying on all fours like that.”** The Squip answered the unfinished question with such a casual tone, but he wasn’t even looking at Jeremy at this point, instead taking in his surroundings, as if the boy was just an afterthought now. A hinderance.  **“You should be grateful I still care enough to correct you. You should thank me.”**

“Thank  _ you _ ?” Jeremy blinked, dumbfounded. 

        The Squip smirked, but it seemed forced.  **“You are quite welcome, Jeremy.”**

The boy’s skin instantly flushed with both anger and intense embarrassment. That was dirty. But also strange. The Squip has never asked for any gratitude for his actions before. Had he..? Ugh… maybe he had, his thoughts were getting lost and jumbled and nothing really made sense anymore.

        Silence rang out for a long moment, filled with nothing but the gentle pitter pat of his ceiling fan as it rotated to a steady rhythm. Jeremy gripped at his hair as he tried to think and answer the questions he couldn’t seem to actually ask. 

**“Believe me, Jeremy.”** The tone sounded forgein coming from the Squip. It was gentle and lost.  **“If I knew the answers you wanted then I would give them to you. I hardly have any reason to hide things.”** This instantly drew the boy’s attention back to the Squip, whose eyes had landed on the only open window in the room and stayed there. The computer seemed to be staring at the tree that grew right beside his window, where a bird had built a quaint little nest where two eggs now rested. Jeremy knee this tactic well, finding something to look at to avoid awkward eye contact with people. But… why was the Squip avoiding his eye? He’d never had issues staring down at him with such dominion before. The Squip also sounded…. rueful? Troubled? But that couldn’t be right. 

“W-Wait… Wh-What?” 

**“I… I do not know the cause or reason of my sudden return.”** Jeremy opened his mouth but was silenced with a simple look from the Squip, a look that reminded Jeremy of his dad when he was annoyed from constant interruptions.  **“Factual speaking, I really shouldn’t be operable anymore. Not to this degree anyway.”** He looked down at his hands, clenching and flexing his fingers, as if it would reveal something.  **“But… something has… fixed me. Put me back together and upgraded me. I… have no memory of who or what might have done this…”**

Jeremy was trying his hardest to understand, really he was. “You… Wait, how is that possible?”” He asked, rubbing the back of his neck that still tingled from the shock. 

**“I just told you that I don’t know.”** The Squip replied in what was nothing but an exasperated tone. 

        Jeremy’s eyes narrowed. “So, that’s it? You just pop back into my life with no memory as to why?! You’re completely reactivated and upgraded and- and-“ He paused. Wait…

**“Jeremy, believe me when I say-“**

“Are you the only one?”

        Now it was the Squips turn to pause. He finally looked back at Jeremy, who had his head bowed and his fists curled into balls so tight his knuckles turned white. His slight trembles didn’t go unnoticed by the Squip either, but the only thing that actually surprised him was how soft the boy’s gaze was.  **“....What was that?”**

Jeremy looked up at him, gaze firm but the Squip knew there was hurt in the boy’s eyes. “Are… Are you the only one that reactivated? P-please… you have to know that much…” 

        The Squip stared at Jeremy, long and silent. He soon sighed.  **“Though I’m not sure what it matters… I will run a connection scan and find out. If I am unable to connect, the chances are the other Squips are still deactivated.”**

Jeremy wanted to snap back, he wanted to be angry and shout, he wanted to glare or growl or anything to show his frustration. But… the Squip actually going to do what he asked… so, all he could seem to manage was the smallest of nods as he moved to sit back on his bed. 

        The Squip continued to watch Jeremy, confused by the small touch of concern he felt towards the boy’s tired and sickly appearance. Jeremy has always been a thin, but the Squip’s scan indicated that he was about 8 pounds under the recommended weight for his height, and heaven knew he didn’t even need to scan to know the boy wasn’t getting enough sleep, if the dark circles under his eyes were anything to go by. He sighed deeply, but made it soft enough so it went unheard by Jeremy.  **“I will need to enter a type of test mode as I try to reconnect to the other Squips. I… I recommend you try and take a nap. This entire ordeal has clearly taken it out of you.”** Jeremy raised his head slightly at the Squips hint of concern, but just groaned and instantly flopped down on his bed  when the computer added.  **“You look like a crack addict. And I can’t have my user looking as such. It’ll hardly look good on me.”**

Jeremy didn’t even get the chance to say anything in retaliation before the Squip literally desintagrated into nothingness, as if he’d never been there at all. He sighed deeply. He didn’t want to give the Squip the satisfaction of being obeyed again, but ... a nap sounded like absolute heaven right about now. He slowly turned to lay on his back, string dully at the ceiling, with all its cracks and chips and that piece of gum Jeremy had dared Michael to stick up there ages ago during a sleepover. 

        “Michael…” Jeremy whispered into the emptiness of his room. His heart ached, pain slowly cracking it into pieces. He couldn’t tell his friend about this. Not after everything they’d done to rekindle their life long friendship. He couldn’t break everything they had just fixed by telling the other the Squip was back. It probably sounded unbelievable anyway… it was supposed to be gone and just randomly popped back up better than ever? No… no, it would sound like he had intentionally gotten another one. And that was something he couldn’t risk. 

        Michael didn’t deserve that. 

        He did…

        Maybe… maybe this was his punishment. Lord knew he deserved whatever hardships he got after all the crap he’d pulled, with all the hearts he’d broken and all the people he’d hurt. Jeremy knew he hadn’t deserved any mercy he got. Instead of yells he got encouragement. Instead of hatred he got love. Instead of bullies he got friends… and instead of whatever punishment or torture he knew deep down in his heart that he deserved… he got Michael. Sweet, wonderful, perfect Michael. The saint the world didn’t deserve. The friend he didn’t deserve. 

        Jeremy sniffled, feeling tears spring to his eyes. He quickly draped his arm over his closed eyes to dry them, or maybe just hide them. He never could stop his thoughts once they started snowballing… but why did it always have to end in him crying? What he that much of a wuss? Heh, he didn’t need that answered. 

        He rolled onto his side, unable to get comfortable. He really was a wuss… or… no, he was. He was that and every other horrible adjective one could think of. He was mean, and rude, awkward, and just downright awful. He was the worst… why did he have friend’s again? 

        He rolled onto his other side, starting to get frustrated. He wasn’t even really wanted, was he..? No, he’d concluded that it was just pity. It was all just… 

        Jeremy suddenly felt a light spark at the back of his mind before he was forcefully pulled into the dreamless sleep. A dark place where his mind could finally be at some kind of peace. 

        The Squip sighed deeply, and slowly entered into rest mode as his scan began.        

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I apologize if my writing is a bit off. I’m trying to get back into it lol. Hope you enjoyed!


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